Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5

Help a poor NHL player out...
#1

Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together like never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow,
SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. Now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet. Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level.

And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upc For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This
contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Forward
[ ] Defenseman\
[ ] Goaltender
[ ] Entire team
[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

(Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute) Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for that).

Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: __________________;
Account Number: _______________________
Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________
Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________
Reply
#2

Kari, this made me laugh far too loud in a quiet, public place. Now everyone in the computer lab is looking at me strangely. Funny, funny stuff :mrgreen:

-Jenna
Reply
#3

Thats too funny!!!! Smile
Reply
#4

Got that one the other day and nearly fell off my chair. It's so good!
Reply
#5

Oh where would we be without the two great 'sms: cynicism and sarcasm... I love it Big Grin
Reply
#6

i'd pay to support Jose, he's dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeamy!
Reply
#7

i heard this on edmonton radio as i was driving through...its even funnier with the "serious" announcer

7/17/95-Craven
11/18/96-Saskatoon
7/21/97-Saskatoon
9/16/00-Winnipeg
11/24/00-Red Deer
07/14/02-Camrose
9/26/02-Edmonton
9/27/02-Edmonton
8/1/03-Kelowna
6/22/04-Edmonton
11/17/04-Edmonton
11/20/04-Saskatoon
10/28/06-Calgary
1/19/07-Regina
7/18/07-Saskatoon
6/22/08-Calgary
8/4/09-Saskatoon
9/14/09-Edmonton
9/19/09-Banff
7/14/11-Edmonton
1/23/13-Edmonton
7/6/13-Saskatoon
10/10/15-Houston
7/28/16-Edmonton
7/30/16-Edmonton
8/01/16-Calgary
Reply
#8

Bravo! You put a smile on my face.
Reply
#9

OMG That's too good! lol
Reply
#10

:thumb:

That's freakin' hilarious!
Reply
#11

hahaha :lol:
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)